Day 19
It's been 10 years since I have published on this blog. Why post after 10 years?
Novel Coronavirus
COVID-19
"Rona"
THE Virus
We watched it slowly approach the US. I worried. The government worried. Some laughed it off as "just the flu". And then March came and the world changed.
March 9the approached and things felt different. I can't quite put my finger on it but I knew next week wasn't going to start like this week. And I couldn't have been more right.
March 13th - day 1 of "social distancing" and a new type of anxiousness.
But to understand it all, I have to back up. Back up to 2019.
In January of 2019, I somehow convinced my husband that we should become a licensed foster home. After a few years of being a Court Appointed Special Advocate, the pull to foster care was strong.
Respite
Hotline
Extreme Short Term
That's what I was selling to him.
We did the training, we did the home study, we jumped through hoops, we were told respite but not hotline (for at least 6 months), we got licensed and we got the call.
September 16, 2019, at 2:40pm while laying on the bed with a migraine and trying to process the weekend events of our 20-year-old son, we got the call. At 5pm we got the 2nd call confirming they were on their way.
One night, 2 boys, fentanyl positive.
My response - we will take them for a week. Check-in with us and we can go from there.
A week later we told them they could stay a bit longer. Then in December, we got an "end date". That end date came and went and they are still here as the pandemic makes its way around the globe.
The timeline thus far:
March 12th - receive a call from Parker Charter canceling conferences for the next day so that teachers could "use the day to plan for significant anticipated disruptions to the school’s schedule and attendance patterns this spring."
Although I knew it was coming, things now felt very real.
March 13 - Parker Charter makes the decision to close for 2 weeks. WPI announces that Spring Break will be extended until March 24th and that classes will be moved online beginning the 25th for at least 2 weeks. No students will be allowed on campus during that time.
March 14 - Guild of St. Agnes closes all facilities for 2 weeks.
March 15 - Raytheon asks all employees who are performing jobs that can be done at home to do so.
March 16 - DCF suspends in-person parental visits, social worker visits, required reviews and notifies us that courts are closed.
March 18 - Massachusetts Governor (Charlier Baker) mandates school AND daycare closures through April 6th. He also mandates "essential workers" only.
March 20 - WPI announces that the remainder of D term will be done online and that the campus will remain closed.
March 25 - Massachusetts Governor extends school and daycare closure through May 4.
Things change day by day and seem to vary by state. VT has already announced the closures of their schools for the remainder of the year. Some states have stay at home orders while some have stay at home advisories. Somewhere in all of this GPS suspends soccer activities and the most recent announcement was through April 20th.
Grocery stores remain open. Some are stocked better than others and toilet paper still seems hard to come by but in the grand scheme, people have what they need to get by. For now.
So this takes us to today.
Day 19.
19 days of kids 24/7 ranging in age from 3-20 and a husband working from home.
19 days of occupying kids that don't belong to us while the kids that do belong to us can get work done.
Don't get me wrong, we care for the 2 boys like they are ours but if you had told me that a pandemic with countrywide closures and major social distancing would be happening 6 months after they arrived, we wouldn't have signed up for this gig. They are a lot of work. In-person visitation has been suspended and DCF requested foster parents supervise video visitation. So in between trying to figure out how to entertain them, make sure everyone else has what they need and trying to remain sane, I get the "pleasure" of supervising a visit between a mom and 2 of her 8 children. She comes on the screen all decked out. I come on the screen ragged and my hair in a knot. While she reveals that she didn't even know one of them was headed to kindergarten next year, I sit worrying about making sure he is ready for kindergarten. While she sits with only herself to worry about, I sit worrying about not only myself but the 6 others that live here and the adult son who lives a few hours away.
Day 19. The anxiousness grows. The "what ifs" grow - what if both Chris and I get it - what if our parents get it - what if the grocery store runs out of staples, again - what if school closes for the remainder of the year - what if - what if - what if.
Day 19 - seems like its been 10 years.
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Saturday, February 6, 2010
the "6pm meltdown"
"Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition" ~Alexander Smith
Some days I find that I need to take a step back and remind myself that things are not all about me and this was definitely one of those weeks.
The week certainly didn't "revolve" around me 100% by any stretch of the imagination but there were parts that I felt did. 3 days of running the bookfair, 1 day of working for a friend in a bind, my usual volunteering etc., but looking back if I could take back the "after 6pm" part of the day I would because it was way too self centered.
By 6pm each day I was exhausted. I seriously could have tucked myself in and gone to sleep if the kids would have agreed (they didn't but it was a good thought at the time!). Instead I was short on patience, too tired to "help" and didn't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. By the time Chris got home from a 3 day business trip "he couldn't do anything right"and I was stuck in a hole where life was all about me and only me. It is times like this that I need to start working hard at taking a step back, realizing that there will be weeks like this, that there is almost always a compromise and that I only get one shot at each day so make the most of it. I need be thankful of all that my husband does, of all that he gives and I need to meet him in the middle 100% of the time. I don't want to forget the excitement I still have when he comes home from work (which usually gets brushed aside quickly), or the longing I have for him when he is away and I'm swallowed in our King bed alone. I need to acknowledge more all the positives he has brought to my life. I need to have a better attitude after a long day and try to do better at being the person I want to be ALL day EVERY day.
Some days I find that I need to take a step back and remind myself that things are not all about me and this was definitely one of those weeks.
The week certainly didn't "revolve" around me 100% by any stretch of the imagination but there were parts that I felt did. 3 days of running the bookfair, 1 day of working for a friend in a bind, my usual volunteering etc., but looking back if I could take back the "after 6pm" part of the day I would because it was way too self centered.
By 6pm each day I was exhausted. I seriously could have tucked myself in and gone to sleep if the kids would have agreed (they didn't but it was a good thought at the time!). Instead I was short on patience, too tired to "help" and didn't give anyone the benefit of the doubt. By the time Chris got home from a 3 day business trip "he couldn't do anything right"and I was stuck in a hole where life was all about me and only me. It is times like this that I need to start working hard at taking a step back, realizing that there will be weeks like this, that there is almost always a compromise and that I only get one shot at each day so make the most of it. I need be thankful of all that my husband does, of all that he gives and I need to meet him in the middle 100% of the time. I don't want to forget the excitement I still have when he comes home from work (which usually gets brushed aside quickly), or the longing I have for him when he is away and I'm swallowed in our King bed alone. I need to acknowledge more all the positives he has brought to my life. I need to have a better attitude after a long day and try to do better at being the person I want to be ALL day EVERY day.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Progression of Life
As an adult I have never lost a friend.
I've never had to look a man in the eye that had just lost the love of his life.
I've never had to hold the hands of two little people who's world had been changed in ways they barely understood.
Until this month.
My friend died. I'd say she died of cancer but that would mean that the cancer won and it didn't. It didn't take her spirit, it didn't take the laughter, it didn't take hope, love, dreams or anything else that makes life. It didn't win because it didn't drag us apart. It instead brought us closer together.
The lessons she taught us, the lessons she taught her family, the 17 years she blessed this earth after cancer lost the first time are all miracles we will have forever. The two little people she helped bring into our lives will forever remind us of her, our love for her and the lessons she gave us.
Live....Laugh....Love.
God speed my friend....god speed.
I've never had to look a man in the eye that had just lost the love of his life.
I've never had to hold the hands of two little people who's world had been changed in ways they barely understood.
Until this month.
My friend died. I'd say she died of cancer but that would mean that the cancer won and it didn't. It didn't take her spirit, it didn't take the laughter, it didn't take hope, love, dreams or anything else that makes life. It didn't win because it didn't drag us apart. It instead brought us closer together.
The lessons she taught us, the lessons she taught her family, the 17 years she blessed this earth after cancer lost the first time are all miracles we will have forever. The two little people she helped bring into our lives will forever remind us of her, our love for her and the lessons she gave us.
Live....Laugh....Love.
God speed my friend....god speed.
Monday, January 18, 2010
First Impressions
I am overweight (not by a lot but according to all the "official" people I am).
I dress conservatively.
Despite being overweight I take the time to care about my appearance.
I like my hair to be done, my make up put on and to be dressed for the occasion every day.
Why am I mentioning this? Because for once, despite what I have always said, I have realized how quickly first impressions are made.
I went on a cruise out of Miami. A cruise that would be considered inexpensive to those that live within driving distance to the port. A three day getaway with an all you can eat feast, bars, entertainment and sun!
Seriously, what an interesting group of people on board. I was SHOCKED at how many of them dressed. SHORT skirts that barely covered their behinds, bikinis that showed so much they had to "tuck themselves" back in when they got up, pants that barely buttoned, shirts with so much cleavage it almost seemed like the shirt itself was an after thought.
Although I personally don't like to "show my stuff" I've never really minded when others do. Hey, its their body, they can do what they want with it. But these crossed the line. An over weight woman can find flattering clothes if she wants to and even if she can't she can certainly find clothes that fit. I felt like I had walked into High School where everyone was out to show what they've got and I wanted to be the principal who would enforce some sort of dress code.
My first impression wasn't good. The thought of "paid escort" ran through my head more times than I care to count. I just wonder if they know what their first impression was.
Now I have a good example when I tell my kids how important first impressions are. And I also know not to take my kids on a "short, inexpensive cruise out of Miami" (or most likely any other cruise port near a large city).
I dress conservatively.
Despite being overweight I take the time to care about my appearance.
I like my hair to be done, my make up put on and to be dressed for the occasion every day.
Why am I mentioning this? Because for once, despite what I have always said, I have realized how quickly first impressions are made.
I went on a cruise out of Miami. A cruise that would be considered inexpensive to those that live within driving distance to the port. A three day getaway with an all you can eat feast, bars, entertainment and sun!
Seriously, what an interesting group of people on board. I was SHOCKED at how many of them dressed. SHORT skirts that barely covered their behinds, bikinis that showed so much they had to "tuck themselves" back in when they got up, pants that barely buttoned, shirts with so much cleavage it almost seemed like the shirt itself was an after thought.
Although I personally don't like to "show my stuff" I've never really minded when others do. Hey, its their body, they can do what they want with it. But these crossed the line. An over weight woman can find flattering clothes if she wants to and even if she can't she can certainly find clothes that fit. I felt like I had walked into High School where everyone was out to show what they've got and I wanted to be the principal who would enforce some sort of dress code.
My first impression wasn't good. The thought of "paid escort" ran through my head more times than I care to count. I just wonder if they know what their first impression was.
Now I have a good example when I tell my kids how important first impressions are. And I also know not to take my kids on a "short, inexpensive cruise out of Miami" (or most likely any other cruise port near a large city).
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Overloaded Christmas
Many of us are guilty of overloading our kids with Christmas presents. The money that goes out the window can be overwhelming once tallied up. I want to change it but I knew I couldn't do it "cold turkey" so I started small.
I didn't encourage lists to Santa. Instead I listened when they said they "wanted" something. I made notes and did research. The first step in getting Christmas "un"overloaded was to ONLY buy things they would use. As cute as those ZhuZhu pets are, and as many times as I heard "I want one", I knew it would be played with for 30 minutes and never touched again. Out also went the big shopping trip Chris and I would do that would yield 90% of the gifts in one night. Those tended to be impulse buys and many rarely got touched.
So I got myself a membership to Amazon Prime (honestly one of the best purchases I've made all year!). When the kids would go to bed I would research and shop. They love crafts so 3 got Shrinky Dinks. They love playing outside so all 4 got roller blades. We love playing games so all 5 (including Chris) each got a game. Work boots, color your own unbrellas, mp3 speakers, clothes and many more practical things made their way under our tree. Their stockings were filled with inexpensive "fun" items (like the funny head that grows grass hair...$1 at Michaels) plus stuff that I would have bought anyway (stretchy gloves, hats, toothbrushes).
As I put stuff away after the kids went back to school I realized how successful we were. Only one item hadn't been opened and that was because he needed help with the directions and we thought it would be nice to do on a snow day.
So we are partly "unloaded". Next year we want to focus on the extended family. We got sucked into the $100 grab again this year where we pull a name and spent $100 on that person. Everyone puts together a wish list and sends it out. We always struggle to put things on our wish list. We have always been fortunate enough that if we need something we just go out and buy it so our lists are usually very short and on occassion contain random items just so we have a list. And the lists we get usually aren't all that different. Many are just wish lists for gift cards. Yes, we are free to buy what we want and ignore the list but rarely does that happen.
So I have made a decision.....If I do opt to do the grab next year my wish list will contain things like "vaccines for 10 children", a "flock of chickens", a donation to XYZ charity etc. I think it might be worth the $100 I'd have to spend on a relative just to be able to send out my email that sends a different message than "I want". I may also decide not to participate but will try and find a way to show people that there are so many better options for their $100!
I think that will also be my focus next year with my kids. Moving things away from "them" and turning it to "others". A flock of chickens for one, honey bees for the next, dairy animals for the 3rd and maybe even a fishing boat for the 4th. And maybe if I'm lucky I will get the same gifts given in my name in return.
I didn't encourage lists to Santa. Instead I listened when they said they "wanted" something. I made notes and did research. The first step in getting Christmas "un"overloaded was to ONLY buy things they would use. As cute as those ZhuZhu pets are, and as many times as I heard "I want one", I knew it would be played with for 30 minutes and never touched again. Out also went the big shopping trip Chris and I would do that would yield 90% of the gifts in one night. Those tended to be impulse buys and many rarely got touched.
So I got myself a membership to Amazon Prime (honestly one of the best purchases I've made all year!). When the kids would go to bed I would research and shop. They love crafts so 3 got Shrinky Dinks. They love playing outside so all 4 got roller blades. We love playing games so all 5 (including Chris) each got a game. Work boots, color your own unbrellas, mp3 speakers, clothes and many more practical things made their way under our tree. Their stockings were filled with inexpensive "fun" items (like the funny head that grows grass hair...$1 at Michaels) plus stuff that I would have bought anyway (stretchy gloves, hats, toothbrushes).
As I put stuff away after the kids went back to school I realized how successful we were. Only one item hadn't been opened and that was because he needed help with the directions and we thought it would be nice to do on a snow day.
So we are partly "unloaded". Next year we want to focus on the extended family. We got sucked into the $100 grab again this year where we pull a name and spent $100 on that person. Everyone puts together a wish list and sends it out. We always struggle to put things on our wish list. We have always been fortunate enough that if we need something we just go out and buy it so our lists are usually very short and on occassion contain random items just so we have a list. And the lists we get usually aren't all that different. Many are just wish lists for gift cards. Yes, we are free to buy what we want and ignore the list but rarely does that happen.
So I have made a decision.....If I do opt to do the grab next year my wish list will contain things like "vaccines for 10 children", a "flock of chickens", a donation to XYZ charity etc. I think it might be worth the $100 I'd have to spend on a relative just to be able to send out my email that sends a different message than "I want". I may also decide not to participate but will try and find a way to show people that there are so many better options for their $100!
I think that will also be my focus next year with my kids. Moving things away from "them" and turning it to "others". A flock of chickens for one, honey bees for the next, dairy animals for the 3rd and maybe even a fishing boat for the 4th. And maybe if I'm lucky I will get the same gifts given in my name in return.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree....
The ritual rarely changes in our house.
The tree goes up within days after Thanksgiving. The decorations go up within minutes of the tree being declared "stable" and we only use white lights.
I love my tree. Each ornament has some meaning behind it.
36 Christmas's ago my mother started a rather "short" tradition. She would hand paint ceramic ornaments and sign each "Love Mommy" with the year. I have all 6 of the ornaments she made me. Some are starting to show their age but each year they find their branch at the top of the tree (out of reach from little hands).
This is a tradition that I continued. Each year for the past 11 years my kids have all gotten personalized ornaments handmade by me. And each year I carefully unwrap each ornament and separate them into their own piles so they each put up their own ornament. They are extra careful with these and never has one been broken. Sure, ornaments have been broken but never the "special" ones.
This year it was interesting to hear the kids. The boys showed the girls the ornaments they got "before they were alive" (quoted from our 10 year old). The girls asked about my old ornaments and about all the other ornaments that were put at the top of the tree (still considered the "safe" spot even though our oldest is taller than I am). E. even asked if she could have two specific ornaments that were my grandmothers when she grew up and when I told her yes she quickly got a pen and paper and made me sign a "contract".
It was a great way to start the Christmas season.
As for the white lights...well, its all I like and I won't apologize for it! Colored lights and tinsel have no place here. White with plenty of sentimental ornaments are welcome!
The tree goes up within days after Thanksgiving. The decorations go up within minutes of the tree being declared "stable" and we only use white lights.
I love my tree. Each ornament has some meaning behind it.
36 Christmas's ago my mother started a rather "short" tradition. She would hand paint ceramic ornaments and sign each "Love Mommy" with the year. I have all 6 of the ornaments she made me. Some are starting to show their age but each year they find their branch at the top of the tree (out of reach from little hands).
This is a tradition that I continued. Each year for the past 11 years my kids have all gotten personalized ornaments handmade by me. And each year I carefully unwrap each ornament and separate them into their own piles so they each put up their own ornament. They are extra careful with these and never has one been broken. Sure, ornaments have been broken but never the "special" ones.
This year it was interesting to hear the kids. The boys showed the girls the ornaments they got "before they were alive" (quoted from our 10 year old). The girls asked about my old ornaments and about all the other ornaments that were put at the top of the tree (still considered the "safe" spot even though our oldest is taller than I am). E. even asked if she could have two specific ornaments that were my grandmothers when she grew up and when I told her yes she quickly got a pen and paper and made me sign a "contract".
It was a great way to start the Christmas season.
As for the white lights...well, its all I like and I won't apologize for it! Colored lights and tinsel have no place here. White with plenty of sentimental ornaments are welcome!
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Perspective
(my feelings after hearing someone speak of another family that was "worse off" than her family, our family etc.)
There is always going to be someone that is "worse off than you".
I know I've said that before.
But what does it mean exactly?
Does it mean that we aren't supposed to "feel bad" for a situation we might find ourselves in?
Does it give us a different perspective on various things?
In the past 12 1/2 years we have dealt with 3 premature births (all 30 weeks), my mother with breast cancer, my cousin with breast cancer, my grandmother in law with breast cancer, my father with colon cancer and a surgery not what we expected, 5 + years and counting of chronic migraines for a child that just turned 10, surgery for Chris that ended up infected requiring disability leave, cellulitis more times than I care to count, 4 surgeries for me, doing CPR on our bedroom floor on our 10 week old daughter, months in the hospital, a Nana with dementia who no longer knows us and can't care for herself in anyway, the death of my Papa, life threatening allergic reactions, various medical issues for Chris PLUS all the "normal" medical stuff that comes with 4 kids.
I've got the right perspective. I don't need to switch places with someone who is "worse off than me". I know how fragile life is. I know what it is like to have a child in pain. I vividly remember finding my daughter grey and limp in her crib. I remember, like it was yesterday, being told they didnt' think L. would make it through the day. I can remember making the phone calls to family.
I feel for those that are "worse off". I really do.
I am thankful all of my children, under their own power, will get up in the morning. I really am.
And if you find a new perspective by looking at someone who is "worse off than you" I'm happy for you. I really am.
But please understand that our life hasn't been easy. I don't need to walk in someone elses shoes who are "worse off" than us because I get it. All of those emotions of the past 12 1/2 years are still here. Still present and still as raw as they were on those days. Please understand that I am not complaining because I wouldn't trade my kids or my family for the world. Please realize that you don't fully know our "perspective on life" because you weren't here when the bulk of it happened. And by that I mean physically here, in our home, by our sides. You knew of the happenings here with conversations over the phone.
I would change very little in my life. All the things we have gone through have changed us as people. Changed us as husband and wife, as mother and father and as friends. They have made us better and for that I will forever be thankful.
There is always going to be someone that is "worse off than you".
I know I've said that before.
But what does it mean exactly?
Does it mean that we aren't supposed to "feel bad" for a situation we might find ourselves in?
Does it give us a different perspective on various things?
In the past 12 1/2 years we have dealt with 3 premature births (all 30 weeks), my mother with breast cancer, my cousin with breast cancer, my grandmother in law with breast cancer, my father with colon cancer and a surgery not what we expected, 5 + years and counting of chronic migraines for a child that just turned 10, surgery for Chris that ended up infected requiring disability leave, cellulitis more times than I care to count, 4 surgeries for me, doing CPR on our bedroom floor on our 10 week old daughter, months in the hospital, a Nana with dementia who no longer knows us and can't care for herself in anyway, the death of my Papa, life threatening allergic reactions, various medical issues for Chris PLUS all the "normal" medical stuff that comes with 4 kids.
I've got the right perspective. I don't need to switch places with someone who is "worse off than me". I know how fragile life is. I know what it is like to have a child in pain. I vividly remember finding my daughter grey and limp in her crib. I remember, like it was yesterday, being told they didnt' think L. would make it through the day. I can remember making the phone calls to family.
I feel for those that are "worse off". I really do.
I am thankful all of my children, under their own power, will get up in the morning. I really am.
And if you find a new perspective by looking at someone who is "worse off than you" I'm happy for you. I really am.
But please understand that our life hasn't been easy. I don't need to walk in someone elses shoes who are "worse off" than us because I get it. All of those emotions of the past 12 1/2 years are still here. Still present and still as raw as they were on those days. Please understand that I am not complaining because I wouldn't trade my kids or my family for the world. Please realize that you don't fully know our "perspective on life" because you weren't here when the bulk of it happened. And by that I mean physically here, in our home, by our sides. You knew of the happenings here with conversations over the phone.
I would change very little in my life. All the things we have gone through have changed us as people. Changed us as husband and wife, as mother and father and as friends. They have made us better and for that I will forever be thankful.
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