When the anxiety begins at 4am...

Day 22

I had to grocery shop. I planned, wrote lists, rearranged the lists, edited the lists, finalized the lists and went to bed...

until 4am when the anxiety and fear of going to the grocery store hit full force. I lay wide awake staring at the ceiling. A quick look at my phone showed that Walmart.com had a pick up spot open for Saturday between 2 and 3pm. But it was 4:12am and although anxious, the thought of getting up at 4am to put my order in before 5:12am was a bit much. I eventually fell asleep, waking at 7am to ZERO pick up times available at any location within a 50 miles radius of us.

So I get myself ready.

I put a change of pants in the garage and I head out to Shop N Save in Ayer. Not my normal spot for big shopping but its small and usually less crowded.

I wear my waterproof rain jacket zipped up high and a mask covering my face. I opt not to wear gloves in the store as my shopping list is on my phone and rumor has it gloves aren't much help in shopping situations anyway.

I shop for 2 weeks worth of groceries. I hope anyway. My cart was overflowing and I was balancing the produce on top as I made my way to the checkout. Dots on the floor mark the "wait here" social distancing recommendations. I am home within 90 minutes but it felt like forever.

I change in the garage and don't wear my shoes into the house. I have the kids help carry groceries in but instruct them to just put them on the counter.

I wash my hands, empty a bag, wash my hands, empty a bag. I do this until $400 in groceries are stored away.

And then I sat down and hoped this would last 2 weeks so I wouldn't have to go out again. And the second doubt started crossing my mind that they wouldn't, the anxiety started all over again.